1
00:00:17,090 --> 00:00:18,090
Hi, hi.

2
00:00:18,930 --> 00:00:20,970
Go up the stairs, take a right,
apartment 6.

3
00:00:21,930 --> 00:00:22,930
Here I come.

4
00:00:37,640 --> 00:00:41,620
We will not rest at night until we know
for sure that the hell-bent

5
00:00:41,620 --> 00:00:45,220
Generalissimo is back on the ground
where he can do the work.

6
00:00:52,060 --> 00:00:54,100
Hey, Ashley.

7
00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:56,400
Nice to see you.

8
00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:59,360
Dessert. Drugs for a mid-Milanus.

9
00:01:11,449 --> 00:01:12,570
Damn, that's yum.

10
00:01:12,830 --> 00:01:13,830
What's in it?

11
00:01:14,710 --> 00:01:16,530
It's squished tomato, onion, garlic.

12
00:01:17,230 --> 00:01:19,370
But the mushrooms are what do the magic.

13
00:01:20,210 --> 00:01:24,810
I actually made some stuffed guys.

14
00:01:25,910 --> 00:01:30,150
Toaster oven canapes? What am I, a
lesbian potluck? How'd you learn to...

15
00:01:30,150 --> 00:01:32,490
No, I cooked on my own meals growing up.

16
00:01:32,810 --> 00:01:34,570
And I thought we were door dashing.

17
00:01:35,830 --> 00:01:36,890
Bro, I'm impressed.

18
00:01:37,330 --> 00:01:38,830
Well, I have to confess.

19
00:01:41,450 --> 00:01:43,030
The shells are pre-packaged.

20
00:01:43,950 --> 00:01:47,990
Do they taste depressing?

21
00:01:48,590 --> 00:01:49,590
Yes.

22
00:01:52,590 --> 00:01:53,590
Ashley,

23
00:01:56,990 --> 00:02:01,230
can I ask... How I'm doing?

24
00:02:01,590 --> 00:02:03,390
Yes. Yeah, Ben, that's allowed.

25
00:02:03,730 --> 00:02:07,350
Okay. That's actually why I'm standing
here dropping disability checks on

26
00:02:07,350 --> 00:02:08,710
bodega mint Milanos.

27
00:02:10,620 --> 00:02:11,700
Relax, I'm joking.

28
00:02:11,940 --> 00:02:14,600
You gotta laugh to keep from screaming,
right?

29
00:02:14,980 --> 00:02:16,560
You make it so easy.

30
00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:18,760
Like, no wonder Kira walked all over
you.

31
00:02:20,780 --> 00:02:23,580
Oh, I'm sorry. That was insensitive.

32
00:02:23,860 --> 00:02:27,720
Yeah, but maybe... maybe fair.

33
00:02:28,900 --> 00:02:31,800
I probably got, like, a few footprints
on my back.

34
00:02:32,620 --> 00:02:33,620
Still.

35
00:02:34,900 --> 00:02:35,900
Sorry.

36
00:02:38,340 --> 00:02:39,440
How's you, buckaroo?

37
00:02:39,950 --> 00:02:40,950
Oh, I'm okay.

38
00:02:43,010 --> 00:02:45,190
Yeah. No, sleep is off.

39
00:02:46,170 --> 00:02:47,170
Fully off.

40
00:02:47,310 --> 00:02:48,510
Dreams are whack, right?

41
00:02:48,770 --> 00:02:49,309
Mm-hmm.

42
00:02:49,310 --> 00:02:50,310
Yeah.

43
00:02:50,650 --> 00:02:51,650
Hey, catch.

44
00:02:52,590 --> 00:02:54,070
Jeez, I like that.

45
00:02:55,010 --> 00:02:56,510
I'm jumpy, you know?

46
00:02:57,330 --> 00:02:59,590
Like, being horizontal freaks me out.

47
00:03:01,750 --> 00:03:05,430
It's like my head's afraid to even hit
the pillow. I just bolt right up before

48
00:03:05,430 --> 00:03:06,430
I even fall asleep.

49
00:03:06,510 --> 00:03:07,510
Hypnic jerks.

50
00:03:07,930 --> 00:03:14,680
That's what... they're called and yeah
me too it's a trauma response are you

51
00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:20,860
like talking to anyone yes um i made a
profile on a teletherapy thingy

52
00:03:20,860 --> 00:03:27,760
i'm gonna do it when i can manage it i
just started work hospice

53
00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:33,740
care it's night shifts good for you it's
your life and you are getting back into

54
00:03:33,740 --> 00:03:38,280
it I, for one, am sick of people getting
off on the gory details of my survival.

55
00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:40,780
Yeah, that happened.

56
00:03:41,060 --> 00:03:42,060
Right.

57
00:03:44,580 --> 00:03:46,740
And I usually like being objectified.

58
00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:50,120
To our health.

59
00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:51,560
To our health.

60
00:03:55,640 --> 00:04:02,500
I mean, I was panicking.

61
00:04:03,210 --> 00:04:06,410
And Kira was, like, carrying.

62
00:04:06,690 --> 00:04:11,350
So I just dry pop a few of her Zanny
bars and then just mosey down the

63
00:04:11,350 --> 00:04:14,470
jetway. And then, bam.

64
00:04:14,950 --> 00:04:15,950
Bam.

65
00:04:18,510 --> 00:04:21,089
The plane gets slammed by a microburst.

66
00:04:22,270 --> 00:04:27,510
It was the Bermuda Triangle bend. I
mean, the siding rips right off.

67
00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:39,720
and suddenly i'm dropping towards the
ocean at terminal velocity next thing i

68
00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:46,000
know it's weeks later and i wake up from
a coma find out not one of my 13

69
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:52,580
girlfriends survived just you me a
couple randos oh and that pilot oh yeah

70
00:04:52,580 --> 00:04:57,180
what's the latest on him alive but not
kicking and his lawyers have him under

71
00:04:57,180 --> 00:05:01,680
lock and key anyway i cornered my
orthopedist and i asked him how am i

72
00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:05,120
even alive turns out It was the Xanax.

73
00:05:05,840 --> 00:05:08,960
Apparently, the first impact doesn't
kill you. It's the bounce back because,

74
00:05:09,060 --> 00:05:11,420
you know, your ribs punch straight
through your organs, your spleen, your

75
00:05:11,420 --> 00:05:12,420
liver.

76
00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:16,740
But I was so tracked that I didn't brace
for impact. I just ragdolled.

77
00:05:18,100 --> 00:05:19,100
Whoa.

78
00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:20,640
What are the odds?

79
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:22,120
Ta-da.

80
00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:25,360
I mean, I definitely got beat up,
though.

81
00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:30,140
But, you know, scars are the tattoos of
survival, right?

82
00:05:31,700 --> 00:05:33,040
You can touch it if you want.

83
00:05:34,540 --> 00:05:35,359
You sure?

84
00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:36,800
Yeah. Okay.

85
00:05:40,060 --> 00:05:41,500
It's literally pigskin.

86
00:05:41,900 --> 00:05:44,040
I know, I'm becoming a human football.

87
00:05:45,840 --> 00:05:46,840
Hashtag blessed.

88
00:05:49,840 --> 00:05:50,840
Honestly,

89
00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:54,320
I think it's pretty badass.

90
00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:01,720
You know, I heard what you did, Ben.

91
00:06:03,330 --> 00:06:05,890
Calling all the parents of Kira's
friends who died.

92
00:06:06,710 --> 00:06:07,710
Checking on them.

93
00:06:09,190 --> 00:06:10,530
You're kind of a good guy.

94
00:06:13,130 --> 00:06:14,210
Survivors go out mostly.

95
00:06:14,570 --> 00:06:16,090
Still, it touched them.

96
00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:18,130
It touched me too.

97
00:06:22,790 --> 00:06:24,370
Can I ask you a blunt question?

98
00:06:25,450 --> 00:06:26,610
Are you ready?

99
00:06:28,190 --> 00:06:29,190
Do you miss her?

100
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:31,390
Kira?

101
00:06:32,460 --> 00:06:35,820
Yes, of course I do. Okay, then what do
you miss most?

102
00:06:36,140 --> 00:06:37,140
Oh, God.

103
00:06:37,220 --> 00:06:43,280
I mean... If I'm being honest, the sex.

104
00:06:43,940 --> 00:06:48,000
No, I mean togetherness. We were, what,
only together three months?

105
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,540
No, she was... Manipulative.

106
00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:58,540
Well, demanding when it came to her
desire for certain things in particular.

107
00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:00,140
Or everything in particular.

108
00:07:02,180 --> 00:07:04,620
Well, she called it knowing what she
wanted.

109
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:11,500
Is it awful for me to say that most of
the time she was a real bitch?

110
00:07:14,140 --> 00:07:18,060
Okay, come on. Kira was the type of girl
that would dip your mascara wand in the

111
00:07:18,060 --> 00:07:20,920
toilet and then laugh when you got a
sty. I mean, you dated her. You must

112
00:07:20,920 --> 00:07:21,920
know that.

113
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,720
I'm sorry that that was your experience.

114
00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:30,500
Is it awful for me to say that I'm glad
she's dead?

115
00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:33,760
Holy shit, Ashley.

116
00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:38,760
Okay, I don't mean I'm glad she's dead
dead. I just mean that, you know, like

117
00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:40,560
my body feels relief.

118
00:07:41,580 --> 00:07:45,280
Like knowing that she's not around all
the time.

119
00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:49,540
And I know I'm not the only one who felt
that way, okay? I mean, I couldn't make

120
00:07:49,540 --> 00:07:52,900
it to her funeral because, you know, I
was comatose. But what I heard that

121
00:07:52,900 --> 00:07:57,740
other than her parents and you, there
was like one other person, like someone

122
00:07:57,740 --> 00:07:58,860
from her waitressing days.

123
00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:02,520
Was that even a friend or like a funeral
ghoul?

124
00:08:02,940 --> 00:08:06,960
I mean, I of all people am aware that
most of her girl gang got wiped out, but

125
00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:08,200
still, yikes.

126
00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:10,540
Yeah, Kira was a force.

127
00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:16,620
She was. I mean, immediately after
starting to date, we move in together. I

128
00:08:16,620 --> 00:08:20,960
mean... I don't know. Why did I fall so
hard?

129
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:23,160
Yeah. It was so deep.

130
00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:27,000
Maybe a need for safety.

131
00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:29,040
Like someone...

132
00:08:30,030 --> 00:08:36,010
Femi and decisive Like some idealized
version of your mother

133
00:08:36,010 --> 00:08:38,429
Yeah, something like that.

134
00:08:38,650 --> 00:08:43,470
Maybe Kira paid someone to put a love
spell on you like a love me Rufy.

135
00:08:44,650 --> 00:08:51,030
Oh My god, whoa, sorry Well, I really

136
00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:56,450
should not be drinking I'm on these like
heavy antibiotics. So my body doesn't

137
00:08:56,450 --> 00:09:01,410
reject these bacon strips makes me say
the stupidest Okay, maybe we should just

138
00:09:01,410 --> 00:09:02,930
watch a movie or something.

139
00:09:03,370 --> 00:09:04,370
You're not stupid.

140
00:09:04,750 --> 00:09:05,750
Not at all.

141
00:09:06,890 --> 00:09:07,930
Yeah, let's watch something.

142
00:09:09,290 --> 00:09:10,290
Okay.

143
00:09:12,130 --> 00:09:13,390
I'm gonna finish this, though.

144
00:09:20,910 --> 00:09:21,910
Blanket.

145
00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:25,130
Okay.

146
00:09:26,070 --> 00:09:27,070
Question.

147
00:09:28,300 --> 00:09:30,500
Do you like scary movies?

148
00:09:31,780 --> 00:09:33,940
No, not really.

149
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:35,520
Ugh, you big pussy.

150
00:09:40,220 --> 00:09:41,800
Ooh, I love Pacino.

151
00:09:46,140 --> 00:09:49,620
I don't think I knew this was a Pacino
movie.

152
00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:51,720
Are you kidding me? It's the best part.

153
00:10:08,140 --> 00:10:10,040
Ben? Sorry, I'll be right there.

154
00:10:14,140 --> 00:10:15,440
Are you okay?

155
00:10:15,860 --> 00:10:16,860
Mm-hmm.

156
00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:21,180
What just happened?

157
00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:28,660
God. Why am I so fucking lame?

158
00:10:32,020 --> 00:10:36,780
What? I have, uh... I have
triskaidekaphobia.

159
00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:41,800
It's not a disease. It's a real fear of
the number 13. It started when I was in

160
00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:44,620
childhood. Once I was walking around
Times Square, right?

161
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:48,560
Just headed home from work, and all of a
sudden, I see this huge ad for

162
00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:52,080
moisturizer in giant letters, 13 active
ingredients.

163
00:10:52,900 --> 00:10:57,980
Boom. My lizard brain goes cold red. All
of a sudden, I instantly vomit, and I

164
00:10:57,980 --> 00:10:58,819
black out.

165
00:10:58,820 --> 00:11:00,340
I collapse. Finn, Finn.

166
00:11:00,820 --> 00:11:02,880
I'm afraid of the number 13, too.

167
00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:05,220
Why do you think I took all that Xanax?

168
00:11:05,950 --> 00:11:09,630
It was Friday 13th? Flight 13th? Yes,
that.

169
00:11:09,830 --> 00:11:10,830
All that.

170
00:11:11,630 --> 00:11:15,010
And Kira knew my whole story and chose
to just fly in the face of it.

171
00:11:15,350 --> 00:11:16,350
What whole story?

172
00:11:17,170 --> 00:11:18,170
What?

173
00:11:18,790 --> 00:11:20,810
Kira... Kira never told you?

174
00:11:23,410 --> 00:11:25,410
It was May 2020, a Saturday.

175
00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:30,200
The world had been on lockdown for
months. All the plans turned upside

176
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:34,540
down. What was meant to be my cousin's
big island dream destination wedding

177
00:11:34,540 --> 00:11:40,280
turned into a sad Jersey backyard luau
complete with a slow cuckoo, a pig. So

178
00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:42,400
if we squint, we're in Hawaii.

179
00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:44,039
Oh, poo.

180
00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:45,520
It's nice to get out of Gowanus.

181
00:11:46,060 --> 00:11:52,840
Just enjoy the fresh air and stop
thinking about... Is this a joke?

182
00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:58,880
Do they even ask about dietary
restrictions? That's sick.

183
00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:03,020
Just smile and nod. We'll get takeout on
the way home.

184
00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:04,860
Why are you covering for them?

185
00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:07,200
I just, I don't want you to spiral out
about nothing.

186
00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:11,120
You've got one foot near your family and
you're triggered.

187
00:12:11,380 --> 00:12:16,840
It's just, it's the blatant disregard.
Excuse me. No, don't hate. No, sorry,

188
00:12:17,180 --> 00:12:21,220
Dad. But no, I think that we need to
acknowledge that for this...

189
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:27,140
supposedly happy occasion, a sentient
animal gave everything.

190
00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:33,080
A total bloody sacrifice. Without
consent, I think this pandemic is asking

191
00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:38,880
us to reevaluate what we need to survive
on this planet. We don't need much. Just

192
00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:42,740
roof over our head, someone to love, a
simple meal that we can prepare

193
00:12:42,740 --> 00:12:45,000
ourselves. This needless death.

194
00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:52,520
of a noble beast reminds us that we have
all become wasteful murderers. Each

195
00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:53,980
and every one of you.

196
00:13:56,880 --> 00:13:58,520
one of the guests who made it out alive.

197
00:14:01,420 --> 00:14:02,420
13 dead.

198
00:14:03,940 --> 00:14:06,540
Butchered like hogs at a slaughterhouse.

199
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:11,800
Ashley, I wish there was something I
could... I survived.

200
00:14:13,500 --> 00:14:15,380
I remain a lucky girl.

201
00:14:16,740 --> 00:14:19,300
I'm really more concerned about you
right now, Ben.

202
00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:22,180
I mean, Ocean's 13 through you.

203
00:14:23,790 --> 00:14:27,190
You know, panic attacks are actually
your body distracting you.

204
00:14:27,510 --> 00:14:30,590
Each attack stops you from having to
feel psychic pain.

205
00:14:32,230 --> 00:14:35,670
If you ever want to unpack it, just know
you can.

206
00:14:37,530 --> 00:14:38,990
Yeah, where would I even begin?

207
00:14:40,010 --> 00:14:42,410
I don't even remember much of my
childhood.

208
00:14:44,310 --> 00:14:49,750
I mean, just years and years and years
of memories all blurry.

209
00:14:56,650 --> 00:14:59,610
No, I was born on a Friday, the 13th.

210
00:15:01,490 --> 00:15:03,230
My mother died in childbirth.

211
00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:09,630
My dad was ill-equipped to raise me on
his own, but there were lots of people

212
00:15:09,630 --> 00:15:13,130
around, coming and going, checking on
me.

213
00:15:16,070 --> 00:15:18,870
Neighbors from the playground, uncles
and aunties.

214
00:15:21,250 --> 00:15:22,970
They're from the same church or
something.

215
00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:26,900
Yeah, we always skip services.

216
00:15:27,340 --> 00:15:28,340
Never went.

217
00:15:45,620 --> 00:15:47,740
But they were so kind, all of them.

218
00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:50,860
I don't know, it was like they kind of
worshipped me.

219
00:15:52,260 --> 00:15:53,680
When I was six.

220
00:15:54,330 --> 00:15:55,510
My memory's a little blurry.

221
00:16:00,330 --> 00:16:02,630
It was more blood than I'd ever seen
before.

222
00:16:03,970 --> 00:16:06,190
This neighbor had fallen down hard.

223
00:16:06,430 --> 00:16:10,750
She maybe tripped and fell on the knife
that she got from the kitchen.

224
00:16:12,250 --> 00:16:16,410
My dad, he scooped her up. He put her in
his car. He sped off.

225
00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:20,790
Blood alcohol level at nearly twice the
legal limit.

226
00:16:21,710 --> 00:16:22,870
Point one.

227
00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:24,320
Three percent.

228
00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:29,880
He ran the stop sign at the T
intersection and a pickup truck slammed

229
00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:33,140
into them at 70 miles per hour and
killed them both instantly.

230
00:16:35,140 --> 00:16:36,840
But I had no one else.

231
00:16:38,460 --> 00:16:40,400
They just dumped me into foster care.

232
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,160
Lucky as people in the world, aren't we?

233
00:16:43,900 --> 00:16:45,860
Six sets of foster parents.

234
00:16:47,420 --> 00:16:49,440
Almost a new residence every year.

235
00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:51,480
Each one was a new form of bad.

236
00:16:56,170 --> 00:16:58,710
But there was one woman, Martha.

237
00:17:02,450 --> 00:17:04,089
Martha just wanted to be a mom.

238
00:17:05,410 --> 00:17:07,030
She called me Sonny Boy.

239
00:17:08,650 --> 00:17:11,450
She had handmade decorations for every
holiday.

240
00:17:11,990 --> 00:17:14,589
Hot breakfast and Sunday suppers.

241
00:17:14,869 --> 00:17:19,150
She just... She spent every day making
that house a home for me.

242
00:17:22,349 --> 00:17:24,670
And then on my 13th birthday...

243
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:27,480
She died.

244
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:29,800
At home.

245
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:32,440
Pancreatic cancer.

246
00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:37,260
Did you tell her how you felt?

247
00:17:38,360 --> 00:17:39,360
Yes.

248
00:17:40,740 --> 00:17:42,860
At the end, I was with her.

249
00:17:46,540 --> 00:17:48,460
That's why... Why I do what you do.

250
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:50,860
Your 13th birthday.

251
00:17:52,360 --> 00:17:55,160
You lose track or you lose your mind.

252
00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:05,540
Kira, she was the last time I really...
that I felt like I was home.

253
00:19:54,780 --> 00:19:56,360
Hi. Morning.

254
00:20:02,460 --> 00:20:04,760
Sorry about the scratches.

255
00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:08,260
I got a little carried away.

256
00:20:38,850 --> 00:20:40,590
Wait right here, you little freak.

257
00:20:59,750 --> 00:21:00,750
Hi.

258
00:21:06,670 --> 00:21:07,770
Should I just hop in?

259
00:21:08,410 --> 00:21:09,410
Go for it, swears.

260
00:21:14,950 --> 00:21:16,910
Cute little tramp stamp you got there.

261
00:21:17,750 --> 00:21:18,810
What? What are you talking about?

262
00:21:19,590 --> 00:21:20,590
Above your butt.

263
00:21:21,610 --> 00:21:23,670
616, your hometown area code.

264
00:21:28,210 --> 00:21:29,210
What is it?

265
00:21:30,090 --> 00:21:31,090
What do you mean?

266
00:21:31,590 --> 00:21:32,590
You draw?

267
00:21:34,590 --> 00:21:35,870
You draw on me or something?

268
00:21:36,610 --> 00:21:38,070
No, I didn't.

269
00:21:42,050 --> 00:21:46,370
Did any of those wicked foster parents
ever, I don't know, like, burn you?

270
00:21:46,630 --> 00:21:47,630
Jesus, no.

271
00:21:51,250 --> 00:21:52,890
Well, that's not ink. It's a brand.